Since I haven't posted anything here in a LONG time, I feel the need to catch up on time that's lapsed--But I won't do it. I will spare you!
I wanted to focus on the word inclusion and why I wrote my book.
It's funny I used to think the word "inclusion" meant to simply be included in something.
Here's a more formal definition I found.
Inclusion is the practice or policy of providing equal access to opportunities and resources for people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized, such as those who have physical or mental disabilities and members of other minority groups.
As a parent of a child with unique abilities, I've uncovered expanded definitions to simple words such as inclusion, acceptance and kindness. Eye-opening for sure!!!
I've also realized there are "no-no" words that should be avoided because they may cause some people to be offended or sensitive to. These include the words handicap and disabled.
Just to let you know...if you've said these words around me, I haven't been offended! I never want my friends or family to feel like they need to walk on eggshells when we're talking to me; however, I will say again, these words may offend some. Unfortunately sometimes we don't learn this until we get put in our place!
These last few years have been bitter-sweet. Thankfully, there have been more triumphs than downfalls. Very grateful for that.
The downfalls are mostly my perception of let-downs and my view from a lens that's becoming more clear as Frankie treks into 5th grade. WAIT!! Did I just type that?? Not the word trek but 5th grade! omg!
The gap between Frankie and her peers academically is getting bigger...and so is my concern. Socially, we feel she is regressing. We have a lot of decisions to make soon regarding that.
In what setting or environment can she thrive? I wish someone could give me the answer and remedy to that!
And so, I pray.
And hope.
Going back to the word inclusion.
Many times I feel that Frankie is oblivious to being excluded in things since she doesn't verbalize her feelings often. I shouldn't assume she's oblivious--I know her interactions (and non-interactions) with people affect her...and sink deep into her heart. I try to nurture her and build her up as much as I can. At the same time, I know I can't keep her in a bubble to protect her from hurt and pain.
I've witnessed firsthand Frankie being excluded on the playground, at parties, etc...It's heartbreaking. And I know it doesn't just happen to her. I think all kids have experienced rejection at some point in their lives---some much more than others. I know rejection can't be avoided indefinitely, but it can be noticed and addressed...especially when it's noticed by an adult.
How do you soothe a child, friend or family member that's been rejected? I'm certainly no expert. Teaching a child how to cope with the inevitable (rejection and fear) is an ongoing lesson for me.
When I was a child, my parents wanted me to be involved! I was into cheerleading, girl scouts, gymnastics, ballet, piano--the list goes on! Because of this, I always felt the need and urge to be doing something. AND! I wanted to fit in. Thankfully, I was very fortunate and had a great group of friends; although I still feared rejection and wanted to be included in ALL THE THINGS.
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| Um yea...that's me with the braids there! |
I have to quote something from Dr. Phil here.
"The number one fear that people have is rejection, and the number one need is acceptance."
I thought as humans, our number one need is love and I know my number one fear is death. I don't think Dr. Phil is God but I definitely find his quote true...at least in my world today.
What is fear? I've been taught to "fear not!"
It's impossible for me to not fear when I see a bobcat a few feet in front of me on my running trail! I'm definitely fearful before I wake up from nightmares where my teeth are crumbling and falling out... or the dreams where I don't know where my next classes are... These are subconscious things that obviously still haunt me. I can only imagine what thoughts are going through our kids' minds that will stay with them indefinitely.
As parents and/or caregivers our hope is to eliminate fear and anxiety from our children's lives.
Is this even do-able?
Rewinding a bit!
When she was a baby and toddler, I made it a point to surround Frankie with neuro-typical kids as well as kids with physical and mental challenges.
I tried so hard to shield her from the inevitable...rejection.
There's MY ignorance- I quickly learned I can't shield her from this.
When they're this little, in their eyes, everyone is the same!!
As Frankie got older, I found myself having to explain her condition to her peers. They started asking questions. GREAT questions like... "Why does Frankie wear those things on her feet? Why doesn't she ever say hi?"
That's when I knew I had I to give Frankie (and other children with unique abilities) a voice. My insides were screaming!! I could sense Frankie's were, too! I wanted to tell her story--in the hopes of bringing more understanding about her condition and in a way her peers could grasp.
Soon after, "This Girls' Got Grit" was born.
Empathy is so hard to teach, but my hopes are to help educate children and even adults--to learn more about Cerebral Palsy and other conditions that may cause physical and mental challenges-and to be reminded that everyone has a story. We are ALL different!
I'm hopeful that by attempting to teach empathy, we can be one step closer to being more accepting of people (not just children!) with challenges and differences. My book is just one of many ways to tap-in to little minds and give them a spark or WANT to be accepting and kind.
Thank GOD I truly think Frankie was born with GRIT! My wish is for her to continue to grow up being strong and tough! If only you all were flies on our wall here. Our girl is so SASSY and if her attitude had hands they would be wearing boxing gloves! No joke!
Outside of home, we want Frankie to get her confidence back so she can greet people with her chin held up high, like she used to! And, to stick up for not only herself, but for her friends and peers. I want her to break out of her shell and be the mayor again!!
That's what we used to call her because she greeted EVERYONE! Here's a page from my book.
I have to share these last photos I just saw on Frankie's Facebook school page. I got so emotional! Not because 4th grade is over...but because she was doing something she's never done before!!! She's never climbed on one of those inflatable "things"on her own much less have the courage to slide down one---head first!!
There is no story that's more special than another. Everyone has one.
I just knew it was my time to tell ours. I feel one of my purposes in life is to help others accept and celebrate people like Frankie. And to support those that are struggling mentally and have physical challenges. We owe it to these special children and adults to be their voice when they don't have one.
It definitely takes a village to raise a child. I am so grateful for all of Frankie's teachers, therapists, doctors, friends and family that have been so supportive throughout our journey!
THANK YOU!!!💚
Special thanks to Leslie Click, my very talented (and patient!) Illustrator!
www.thisgirlsgotgrit.com
